My name is Alex D.

I live at the crossroads of autism,bi-polar disorder, ADHD, and addiction.

The Path of Least Resistance is the Hardest One to Follow

The Path of Least Resistance is the Hardest One to Follow

          In response to her witnessing me wallow in a state of despair I’d recently fallen into, my mother-with all her wit and tenacity-chose this quote for me to define and analyze in an essay of no less than 500 words. If you knew me, you’d already know she didn’t exactly pick this one out of a hat. A mother knows her children in ways that are incomprehensible to the closest of relatives, the most trusted of friends, and the most professional of doctors. She harbors a much more complex form of connecting with her kin. Through transcendence and energy, she feels their emotions in a way that is as natural as a gust of wind caressing a face. A mother feels her child’s pain, happiness and sadness. And my mother is no different. My arrogant refusal to change and my unwillingness to thrive hits her day after day like a power drill to the temple. So when I say she didn’t exactly pick this quote out of a hat, what I really mean is she took all her frustrations regarding me and rephrased it to point out the irony of my chronic self-sabotage. 

         See, for me, resistance isn’t just a crappy character trait. I’ve mastered it and turned it into an art form. Going against the grain and forcing myself to never take that second step has almost developed into this kind of morbid passion that I use as a safety net. From my point of view, the path of least resistance is this twisting, windy road filled with potholes and oil spills, plagued with the imminent danger of being annihilated by an avalanche or a tsunami or some other natural disaster. A lot of very scary, disastrous things can take place when you agree to everything and just-for lack of better words-go with the flow. In this murky world I’ve created for myself, a world filled with blurred lines and structures yet to be erected, a world where making spontaneously bad decisions fueled by self-sabotage and convoluted logic are as normal as the next door neighbor mowing his front lawn, having a fear of doing the easy and obvious thing is more terrifying than getting a surprise visit from the grim reaper informing you that you have 24 hours left to live. After all, in those final 24 hours on earth, anything can happen. Fate might decide to play a cruel prank on you and make your situation so bad that you find yourself begging for death to come.

         This is why the path of least resistance is the hardest one to follow. To live a life of acceptance, without having to question everything, seems too good to be true. People strive for what they know and fear what they don’t understand. I know struggle. I fear what I don’t understand.  

 

 

The Root of the Problem

The Root of the Problem